Journal-Not-Diary
by EverythingIsnotAlright
Summary: "Okay, so I honestly have no idea about what the hell I'm doing writing in a journal... not a diary. Me! The great and superbly awesome Killua Zoldyck is writing in a journal-not-diary of all things. It's unimaginable! Crazy like you wouldn't believe it!"...A look into the deep and highly sophisticated mind of one Killua Zoldyck.
1. Dear Journal-Not-Diary,

Disclaimer: My name is not Yoshihiro Togashi

* * *

Dear Journal-Not-Diary,

Okay, so I honestly have no idea about what the hell I'm doing writing in a journal... not a diary.

Me! The great and superbly awesome Killua Zoldyck is writing in a Journal-Not-Diary of all things. It's unimaginable! Other-worldly! Crazy like you wouldn't believe it!

And so, if me, found with a Journal-Not-Diary is just something impossible to even think about, why then, am I currently writing in one? Easy peasy lemon squeezy-I'm going to have to burn this after I'm done. One Killua Zoldyck does not, I repeat, does not use overrated saying like that- it's actually simple.

There is one and only one person to blame for this. Well, and maybe my ego, but still! Only one person that I would never ever in a mill-bil-trillion years no, scratch that, for eternity admit defeat to unless in a dire situation that could end with a dead Killua.

And who might this person be? Wait for it...Wait for it...Dun dun dun...Duuuuuuuunnnnn-I need to lay off the Choco-no! Never!-Stop talking to yourself!-I'm not! I'm writing to myself. There's a difference-Not a very big difference-ARG!

…

Okay, so I took a nap. Am much calmer now.

And I totally did the nap because I thought I needed one, definitely was not knocked out by Gon-the traitor-because he thought I was in great need of sleep. Nope, definitely not in denial either.

But I'm not talking to him right now because I'm annoyed at him. Not because he was able to catch me off guard but because the idiot ate the rest of the of the deluxe-once-in-a-lifetime-supreme-chocolate-with-a-bunch-of-other-heavenly-goodness chocolate bar. After everything I did to get it too.

He'd better give me something good, like blow my mind away good, to fix our broken relationship...That came out wrong…

Moving on!

Ah, yes, the person who was responsible for this extremely unimaginable miracle. Well, if you think about it, Journal-Not-Diary-yes I am talking to you, you stupid book- there can only be one person gay enough to even think about forcing me to write in a diary-Journal-Not-Diary!- for an extended period of time.

Yes, I bet you and I both know who is responsible, don't you Journal-Not-Diary?

Pops really needs to find a new hobby other than trying to make me gay. I mean seriously! What type of dad wants to make his perfectly straight son gay? What about continuing the family line? What is happening to the world?!

Then he thinks he's so smart, trying to make me scorn women. With that batshit woman I have to call Mom and crossdressing younger brothers. And all those inhumanly stronger than me (maybe) butlers that have the nerve to call themselves female! Horrid right?

But have no fear Journal-Not-Diary! For I am straighter than Hisoka's nen-infused cards! And, sadly, I have Milluki to thank for this. Well, specifically his porn magazines.

Ghahahahahahahahaha!

The great and superbly awesomer than awesome Killua the Great has struck again with his devilishly handsome face and wits!

Now, for my next superbly awesome action, I will take another nap. All this writing is making my hand tired. Maybe I'll explain more about why I'm even bothering to listen to the old man, there's nothing else to write about.

I'm burning this afterwards anyway. Journal-Not-Diary, you can be a temporary secret-keeper for me. Then I will dance on your ashes.

I've always wanted to dance on the ashes of something.

Definitely not sincerely,

Killua (the Great) Zoldyck


	2. I think the world is after my head

Disclaimer: Even thought you can't see me, I can assure you that I look nothing like one Yoshihiro Togashi

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Dear Journal-Not-Diary,

I'm back!

Bet you didn't think that I'd be back so soon huh?

But the great Killua-sama will always prevail in the end. No matter what the obstacle. Especially such a puny one as fear of a tiny book like you. You are less than dirt next to me! You don't even compare!... Okay, so maybe I am having some issues of loss of self-confidence but that is why you are here.

To make me feel better about myself as I gossip like a little-wrinkled-old-lady about all the bad and stupid things the people around me do on a daily basis.

That is why I will burn you after I am done. Killua Zoldyck does not do gossiping like an old lady. Especially wrinkled ones who can't even make not-burnt cookies.

And so, back to matters at hand. Well, not really back, per se, since I haven't written anything about said matter. So actually, it'll be, onto another matter. ...

I think the world is after my head. Yes, I know I'm devilishly handsome, I said so in the previous entry, but can you not TRY TO KILL ME EVERY SINGLE BLOCK I PASS?!

It is getting annoying having to dodge random plant pots and books. And the cats and dogs.

Sheesh, and people say that raining cats and dogs is just an exaggeration.

And some 'friends' I have.

Gon said that Aunt Mito said that it was probably karma. I told him karma was my bitch and hadn't even done anything wrong.

Kurapika overheard and commented about the chocolate bar I had taken and eaten from a little girl. It was freaking poisoned, Goddammit! All I had did was save a life and gotten a treat out of it! Why does no one believe me?

Even Gon had said it was a mean thing to do. I think he should spend less time around Kurapika, it's making him more...m-ma-mature...ew.

Then Leorio had just had to go and say that I looked fatter than usual and that I should stop stealing chocolate bars from kids who looked like they needed it.

Why is everyone against me? I feel cheated. And unloved.

But no matter. I do not need their petty love. What I need, is another chocolate bar. They always know what to do to cheer me up. And what is it exactly that they do to cheer me up?

Bend to the will of my teeth as I bite into it. Melt on my tongue as I savor the taste. Leave me feeling like I need more and more and more and more and more and more and, you know...more.

Yes, chocolate really is my guilty pleasure. Well, not really guilty, just my love. One and only love that I will continue on loving forever and always. To the end of time and the world as we know it.

And so, even if my 'friends' are convinced that I am being chased my karma and will most likely die soon-unfaithful twats-, I will prevail! I will hold on! I will live!

Because who else will eat all the chocolate I have in my chocolate-only safe?

Definitely not sincerely,

Killua (Choco-luver) Zoldyck


End file.
